Grief does not follow a schedule.

One day, you may feel able to talk about the person or part of your life you have lost. The next, a familiar song, photograph, anniversary, or quiet moment may bring emotions back with surprising intensity. At other times, you may feel very little at all.

None of these experiences means you are grieving incorrectly.

As National Grief Awareness Day approaches on August 30, it is an important reminder that loss affects people differently. The observance encourages more open conversations about grief and greater understanding for people trying to adjust to significant loss.

You may have heard about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these terms can help people put words to difficult experiences, they are not checkpoints that everyone must complete in order.

Grief is much more individual than that.

What Are the Five Stages of Grief?

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stage model in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. The model was initially used to describe experiences associated with dying and was later widely applied to bereavement and other forms of loss.

The five commonly recognized stages are:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Today, mental health professionals generally do not view these stages as a universal timeline.

The American Psychological Association describes the model as nonlinear, meaning stages may occur in different orders, overlap, return more than once, or not occur at all. The APA also notes that people should not expect grief to progress through predictable phases.

Think of the stages less as a roadmap and more as possible emotional experiences that may help describe parts of grief.

1. Denial: “This Doesn’t Feel Real”

After a significant loss, reality can take time to absorb.

Denial does not necessarily mean consciously refusing to believe something happened. It may appear as numbness, disbelief, shock, detachment, or the sense that everyday life is continuing while part of you has not caught up.

Someone might find themselves automatically reaching for their phone to call a person who has died or expecting to hear them walk through the door.

These responses can occur while the mind gradually begins adjusting to a major change.

There is no deadline for when a loss should start to “feel real.”

2. Anger: “Why Did This Happen?”

Grief can involve anger, even when anger seems confusing or uncomfortable.

You might feel angry at:

• The circumstances surrounding the loss
• Medical professionals or caregivers
• Family members
• Yourself
• The person who died
• A spiritual or religious belief system
• Life in general

Anger may sometimes exist alongside sadness, guilt, fear, loneliness, or helplessness.

SAMHSA notes that grief can include many emotional and physical responses, including sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, anxiety, numbness, fatigue, appetite changes, and sleep difficulties.

Having an emotion does not mean you approve of it or need to act on it. It may simply be one part of how your mind is responding to loss.

3. Bargaining: “What If Things Had Been Different?”

Bargaining often appears through questions.

What if I had called sooner?

What if we had gone to another doctor?

What if I had noticed something?

If only I had done one more thing…

After a loss, the mind may repeatedly revisit events in an attempt to understand something that cannot be changed.

This can be especially difficult when the death was unexpected, traumatic, or involved unanswered questions.

It can be helpful to remember that hindsight often provides information and perspective that were not available before the loss occurred. A mental health professional can help someone explore persistent guilt, regret, or “what if” thinking without judgment.

4. Depression: When Grief Feels Heavy

In the five-stage model, the word depression describes feelings of profound sadness and emotional pain that may accompany loss. It should not automatically be interpreted as a diagnosis of major depressive disorder.

Grief may involve:

• Tearfulness
• Low energy
• Difficulty concentrating
• Changes in sleep
• Changes in appetite
• Loneliness
• Reduced interest in usual activities
• A desire for more time alone
• Feeling emotionally exhausted

These experiences vary considerably from person to person.

However, when emotional distress becomes persistent, significantly interferes with everyday functioning, or raises concerns about your safety, speaking with a licensed mental health professional is appropriate.

The American Psychiatric Association also recognizes prolonged grief disorder, a condition involving persistent, intense grief that creates significant distress or interferes with functioning. A qualified clinician must determine whether someone’s symptoms meet diagnostic criteria.

5. Acceptance: Learning to Live With What Changed

Acceptance does not mean forgetting.

It does not mean approving of what happened. It does not require being “over it,” and it does not erase sadness.

Acceptance may simply mean beginning to recognize the reality of a loss while gradually finding ways to continue living alongside it.

That could involve establishing new routines, reconnecting with relationships, remembering someone without becoming overwhelmed every time, or discovering ways of carrying their memory forward.

And even after periods of acceptance, grief can return.

Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, family milestones, familiar places, or unexpected reminders can bring difficult emotions back months or years later.

That does not necessarily mean you have gone backward.

What People Often Get Wrong About the Stages of Grief

One of the most common misconceptions about grief is that healthy grieving means progressing neatly from denial through acceptance.

Research and clinical guidance do not support such a rigid expectation.

The APA specifically notes that people do not necessarily experience grief stages as progressive steps. Grief may instead involve emotional experiences that repeat, overlap, change, or emerge unexpectedly.

Misconception: “Everyone experiences all five stages.”

They do not.

Some people identify strongly with several stages. Others recognize only one or two. Some find the five-stage model does not describe their grief at all.

Misconception: “Acceptance means grief is finished.”

Acceptance and grief can exist at the same time.

You may understand what happened while still deeply missing someone.

Misconception: “There is a normal amount of time to grieve.”

There is no universal timeline.

Relationships, circumstances of the loss, personal history, culture, family dynamics, available support, and many other factors can shape a person’s grief response. SAMHSA describes grief as deeply personal and influenced by the circumstances surrounding the loss and a person’s individual coping mechanisms and support systems.

Misconception: “Needing counseling means I am not coping well.”

Seeking support is not a measurement of how much or how little someone can handle.

Some people primarily rely on friends, family, cultural traditions, faith communities, or peer support. Others benefit from professional counseling. Many use several forms of support at different points.

How to Deal With Grief Without Forcing a Timeline

People searching for how to deal with grief are often looking for a way to make painful emotions disappear.

Grief generally does not work that way.

A more realistic goal can be finding ways to care for yourself while your relationship with the loss gradually changes.

Helpful forms of support may include maintaining basic routines when possible, spending time with people who feel emotionally safe, participating in cultural or spiritual mourning practices, attending a grief support group, expressing emotions through writing or creative activities, and speaking with a qualified mental health professional.

The APA notes that social support and healthy habits can help many people adjust following loss, while some people experiencing more persistent or disruptive grief may benefit from professional mental health care.

There is no requirement to use every coping strategy. What feels supportive to one person may feel uncomfortable or unhelpful to another.

Grieving After a Suicide Loss

Grief following suicide can carry additional layers of shock, unanswered questions, anger, stigma, guilt, or confusion.

If you are a suicide loss survivor, you may find yourself repeatedly reviewing what happened or wondering whether there was something you could have done differently.

These experiences can be especially isolating.

The CDC notes that family members and friends affected by a suicide may experience prolonged grief, shock, anger, guilt, symptoms of anxiety or depression, and, in some circumstances, suicidal thoughts themselves.

The APA recommends that people coping after suicide loss avoid judging themselves based on what they believe they “should” be feeling. Support may come from trusted people, peer groups specifically for suicide-loss survivors, or mental health professionals experienced with grief and traumatic loss.

If grief is accompanied by thoughts of suicide or concerns about immediate safety, help is available. In the United States, call or text 988 to connect with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Call 911 or seek emergency medical assistance when there is an immediate life-threatening emergency.

When Can Grief Counseling Help?

You do not have to wait until grief reaches a particular level before talking with someone.

Grief counseling may provide a private setting to explore emotions, understand how a loss is affecting your life, identify coping strategies, and discuss concerns that may be difficult to share elsewhere.

Consider speaking with a licensed mental health professional when grief:

• Consistently interferes with work, school, relationships, or basic responsibilities
• Leaves you feeling increasingly isolated
• Is accompanied by significant anxiety or depressive symptoms
• Involves persistent guilt or distressing thoughts about the circumstances of the loss
• Leads to increased substance use as a way of coping
• Makes it difficult to care for yourself
• Feels increasingly difficult to manage
• Is accompanied by thoughts of self-harm or suicide

These experiences do not automatically indicate a mental health disorder. A licensed professional can help assess what you are experiencing and discuss appropriate support.

Choosing Grief Support: What Should You Look For?

If you are considering professional care, the right option depends on your needs, preferences, circumstances, and clinical assessment.

When comparing grief support options, consider asking:

Is the provider appropriately licensed?
Look for qualified behavioral health professionals practicing within their scope of training.

Does the provider have experience with your type of loss?
Bereavement following an expected death may involve different concerns than traumatic loss, suicide loss, pregnancy loss, or the death of a child.

Does the approach respect cultural and personal differences?
Grief is influenced by family, community, spirituality, culture, identity, and personal beliefs.

Are treatment expectations realistic?
Responsible mental health providers should not promise to eliminate grief within a set timeframe.

Do you feel respected and heard?
A productive therapeutic relationship should allow room for questions, boundaries, and individual preferences.

Individual experiences with counseling vary, and no particular treatment approach can guarantee a specific outcome.

National Grief Awareness Day: August 30

National Grief Awareness Day, observed on August 30, offers an opportunity to replace assumptions about grief with understanding.

You do not necessarily need the perfect words to support someone who is grieving.

Sometimes support looks like listening without trying to solve the loss. It may mean remembering an important anniversary, offering practical help, continuing to check in after the initial weeks have passed, or simply allowing someone to talk about the person they miss.

And if you are the one grieving, August 30 can serve as a reminder that your experience does not have to resemble anyone else’s.

Grief is personal.

So is the way you learn to live alongside it.

Finding Support at First City Mental Health Center

Grief can change relationships, routines, emotions, and the way you understand your life. You do not have to force those changes into five predictable stages.

If loss is affecting your emotional well-being and you are considering professional support, you can contact First City Mental Health Center to learn more about available mental health services and whether they may be appropriate for your needs.

Speaking with a licensed clinician can help you better understand your symptoms, discuss your concerns, and explore appropriate next steps.

Individual experiences with grief and mental health treatment vary. This article is for general educational purposes and is not a substitute for diagnosis, treatment, or personalized advice from a licensed healthcare professional.

Frequently Asked Questions About the Stages of Grief

What are the five stages of grief?

The five commonly described stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They originate from the Kübler-Ross model. They should not be interpreted as mandatory steps or a fixed timeline because people can experience grief in many different ways.

Do the stages of grief happen in order?

Not necessarily. The American Psychological Association describes the model as nonlinear. People may experience stages in different orders, revisit certain emotions, experience several simultaneously, or never identify with some of them.

How long does grief usually last?

There is no single timeline that applies to everyone. The intensity and duration of grief can vary depending on the relationship, circumstances surrounding the loss, support system, culture, personal history, and other factors.

Is it normal for grief to come back after I thought I was doing better?

Grief can become more noticeable around anniversaries, holidays, milestones, memories, or unexpected reminders. Experiencing renewed sadness does not necessarily mean that your earlier progress has disappeared.

When should I consider grief counseling?

Consider speaking with a licensed mental health professional if grief is substantially interfering with your ability to function, contributing to persistent emotional distress, increasing isolation or substance use, or creating concerns about your safety. You may also choose counseling simply because you would like professional support while adjusting to a loss.

Can grief affect mental health?

Yes. Grief can involve changes in emotions, sleep, appetite, concentration, energy, and social connection. Although grief itself is a natural response to loss, persistent or severe symptoms should be discussed with a qualified mental health professional.